Pay attention to the Blues

You know those days.. Fuzzy, gloomy, lethargic your surrounded by an air of inexplicable sadness and a heavy heart? Nothing really makes sense anymore and your every belief is threatened by doubt?

They are the Blues.. Our friend depression sneaking up on us.. You never know why or how but these days just settle in at times.. I have had quite a few of those over the years.. Before my diagnosis I was actually and  I mean this perennially depressed! What do I got to be depressed about at 18 or 20? Crappy parents and a useless boyfriend was my excuse.

The diagnosis flipped it! I was suicidal after my break up. And this illness saved me!

Ever since no matter what happened even when I had reasons to be depressed, I wasn't this illness thought me to always look on the bright side.. To be thankful and present.

I have those days when everything catches up with me and just bogs me down.. I used to be very hard on myself when that happened..

Look at yourself.. Your such a mess!! Do you even know how lucky you are?

These days I have learnt to  gentle with myself.. Give myself the space I need.. If I want to wallow then thats what I will do.. And thats the thing.. When you live with a chronic illness any chronic illness and when everyday is about survival, making the best of what you have, your medicines and routines, believing, making the best choices for yourself, being there for your family and friends, balancing everything, making sure your eating right that your treating your body right, hoping and praying that tomorrow will be just fine, having fun, readjusting the priorities and capabilities, readjusting your entire life, being productive, living your dreams and all the while wanting to live life to the best you can and do the best you can.

Through all of this if you have one bad day how bad can it be!! Whats wrong with that? Why should we be so hard on ourselves. It's ok. It's ok to feel unsafe and scared. It's ok to feel hopeless. It's ok to feel tired. It's ok to feel the crushing weight on your shoulders at times. Because the thing is you will be back on your feet soon. You will be STRONGER and you will be FINE.

I have learnt to take these days as indicators of change. When I have a rough day I listen to me I listen to the whispers in me. They usually point to something that needs my attention. Thats the beauty of it.. When your feeling blue just feel it.. It can teach you a lot.. Remain in a thankful place and observe whats going on in you.. If its change you need to make figure it out.If its your mind and body asking for rest.. Stretch out, watch a movie, sleep, do something fun!! Talk to friends and family if you need to. Do what you need and want to do.. You just SO deserve it.

For me these days it just means time for contemplation. To be in my shell. To get some new perspective. Rest if I need to rest. At the end of the day I am fine and better for it. It reminds you that your learning the tools everyday to navigate this wonderful thing called life!

The longer you take to acknowledge these days the more you accumulate and its going to come raining down. So it's ok. Be Blue. Mope around for a bit. Be sad. Cry.The important this is to feel it and let it go no tot ignore it and hold on to it.

Much love to all you beautiful people!!